The Tudors had such a bad attitude,

They exude turpitude and ingratitude

They were proud they were loud, they were vain they were mean

One hysterical pregnancy, one virgin queen.

No one in history behaved quite like that,

They’d chop off your head at the drop of a hat

Their quarrels were frequent

Their morals were low

But of course no one decent would dare tell them so..

 

No one dared boo the Tudors

Or dared sue the Tudors

Or, except in the bedroom when bare, screw the Tudors.

No one lewd as the Tudors

Could feud as the Tudors

Or lacked quite so much gratitude as the Tudors.

 

No one chewed, as the Tudors,

So much food as the Tudors

Or brewed so much beer and then spewed as the Tudors

No one wooed like the Tudors

Or screwed like the Tudors

Or rudely chase girls in the nude like the Tudors

 

The Borgia’s were gorgeous but not on a par

They made killer cocktails which went far too far

And some of their daughters slept with Papa

But compared to the Tudors who do they think they are?

 

No one rude as the Tudors

Or as crude as the Tudors

No one came quite so quickly unglued as the Tudors.

Heads were hewed by the Tudors

Thumbs were screwed by the Tudors

Who was ever in such a bad mood as the Tudors?

 

The Caesars were geezers

Who killed just for fun

The Romans read omens

And killed by the ton

But compared to the Tudors

They were just having fun.

 

Folks were used by the Tudors

Then refused by the Tudors

Then totally and utterly confused by the Tudors

First amused by the Tudors

Then abused by the Tudors

Their intimate body parts bruised by the Tudors

 

To conclude with the Tudors

Not one dude since the Tudors

Has ever produced such a brood as the Tudors

Wives accrued by the Tudors

Lives rued by the Tudors

No one so psychologically screwed as the Tudors!

 

From the non-existent musical Rack of Ages by Irving Boleyn.

 

1. c) Eric Idle

Monday, October 20, 2014