A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines.
This is a pity, as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the
Australian palate, but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

Blacktown Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint-flavored burgundy,
whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world’s best sugary
wines.
Chateau Bleu too has won many prizes, not least for its taste
and its lingering after burn.
Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favorably to a Welsh Claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society
thoroughly recommends a 1978 Cote du Rod Laver, which believe me, has a
kick on it like a mule. Eight bottles of this and you’re really finished.
At the opening of the Sydney Harbor Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the
main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink.
This is a bottle with a message in and the message is “Beware.”
This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for laying down and avoiding.
Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old and Yellow, which is particularly heavy and
should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.
Quite the reverse is true of Chateau Chunder, which is an Appellation Controlee specially grown for
those keen on regurgitation.
A fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy, and a prize-winning Cuvee Reserve
Chateau Nuit St. Wogga Wogga, which has a bouquet like a fast bowler’s
armpit.*

*This joke has been changed to recognize the amazing fact that while batting and facing the terrifying fast bowling of Thomo and Lillee in the 80’s David Gower would recite this sketch to himself!

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