Eric Idle OnlineMy Life

The Address to The Weetabix.

By , January 26, 2017 10:41 am

The Address to the Weetabix.
Candacraig – August 1999

Fair fa your honest crunchy face
Great chieftain o’ the breakfast place
Yon Weetabix wi’ prickly bricks
Wi’ milk poured ower
Tae mek a grizzly mix.

Yon hairy food for thee I do forsake
The coco-pop and lowly corn flake
Yea hairy food, rude and no disgrace
Like a beard on a Scotsman’s face
Yon mucky muesli is far too foreign
Give me the food that looks like a sporran

Though we acknowledge the fabled porridge
And raise a dram to cheery Spam
There’s nobbit pleases wee Billy and Pam
Than Weetabix served by the gram (with a dram)

Yea muesli now that’s foreign muck
That looks like straw and tastes like.. f… duck
And yoghurt yuck it’s vile and bitter
And has a use that’s far more fitter
Let me add one final bitching
What can one say about a breakfast food
That cures vaginal itching?

A poet might well become depressed
To find a food category Robin Williams
Hasn’t already addressed
So here’s my broken shredded wit
The Weetabix is aptly fit
To grace our table aye so sweet
God bless us all and shredded wheat.

Eric Idle

Terence Bayler

By , September 22, 2016 5:42 am

Terence Bayler.
I think the thing I loved most about Terence Bayler was his gentle loving considerate humour. I met him early in my first wife time with his wife Bridget Armstrong and we became good friends. Then I used him mercilessly on Rutland Weekend Television and memorably as Leggy Mountbatten the hopping manager of the Rutles. I loved his commitment to a role and his high seriousness no matter how apparently silly the part. For a writer there is nothing finer than an actor taking your work and making it better than you imagined it. That’s why actors are very special people and cherished by scribes. Terence appeared in my play Pass The Butler in the West End in 1983 and was an important part of the little rep company we gathered to take to Tunisia to film The Life of Brian in 1979. He was a terrific dead pan comedian and great company and as always with such sad news I instantly miss being able to say hello. Or even goodbye. It was a privilege and a pleasure to know him. He enriched my life and I loved him. 
“Life’s a piece of shit

When you look at it.”

The Lonely Trout

By , June 1, 2016 4:13 pm

HUDSON So you see Inspector, it is Helena’s piano.
INSPECTOR How very touching. It reminds me of a wee ballad from my childhood called The Lonely Trout
WHOOPSIE Is he going to tell an anecdote?
MAGGIE Worse, I think he’s going to sing.
INSPECTOR Give me a C Chord Miss Schlegel.
WHOOPSIE Oh good grief. Is there to be no end?
MAGGIE No but there might be an intermission shortly.

Song The Lonely Trout

INSPECTOR 1
From the heelan hills and rills o bonnie Scotland
Fra the bogs and fogs and soggy lochs and braes
From the moontin tops where lonely jocks drink whiskey
To the dingy pond wherein the lone trout plays.
There was once a laddie wandered wi his lassie
When she told him that her love for him was dead.
As she left this lonely boy
Who’d now lost his only joy
The trout raised his head and this is what he said:

O rum ti tumti
Tickle yer monkey
Tickle di didle doo
Rumpy pumpy
Humpty dumpty
Tickle yer tivey too
Oh hankie pankie
Winkie wankie
Diddle de didle doo
Rinky dinky
Tiddley winky
Nicky nacky noo
the noo the noo the noo the noo the noo

O muckety buckety
Shmackety crackety
Sings the lonely trout
Tiggly wiggly
Higgly piggly
What is life about?
Mickety pickety
Wickety lickety
She was just a slut
Find yourself another lass
A nicer piece of butt.

Two Dancing Trout girls enter as the Words are lowered and the Audience sing along.

Oh packety wackety
Nickety nackety
Sings the lonely trout
Splickety wickety
Pickety nickety
What is life about?
Shackety mackety
Thwackety crackety
She was just a slut
Find yourself another lass
A nicer piece of butt.

INTERMISSION

Influences

By , April 25, 2016 6:39 pm

Here is a partial list of my influences.

William Shakespeare, Beyond the Fringe, Arthur Askey, Peter Broadbent (Inside Left for the Wolves) Alan Smith (Warwickshire opener and wicket keeper), MJK Smith, Tom Graveney, PBH May, Statham and Truman, Morecambe and Wise, Gower and Graveney, Greene and Waugh, Tommy Cooper, Tony Hancock, Johnny Hancocks (Outside right for the Wolves), Billy Wright, the Beverley Sisters, Round the Horne, Marty Feldman, Bobby Charlton, Elvis Presley, the Everly brothers, Buddy Holly, The Beatles, The Hollies, Mick and Keith, Steven Stills, Randy Newman, Ry Cooder, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Bellini, Friday Night is Music Night, Radio Luxembourg, DH Lawrence, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Wilfred Owen, The Wolves (not Virginia or Leonard but the whole team from the mid fifties to the Cup Winning side of 1960), Alan Hudson, Peter Osgood, and Charlie Cooke, Johnny Haynes Arthur Haynes (with Dermot Kelly and Nicholas Parsons), Jimmy Edwards, Frankie Howerd, Peter Cook, Peter Sellers, Spike Milligan, Charlie Drake, Norman Wisdom and Jerry Desmond, Flanagan and Allen, Bridget Bardot, Ava Gardner, Noel Coward, Flanders and Swan, Paddy Roberts, Mrs. Shufflewick, Antonioni, Truffaut, Richie Benaud, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Billy Connolly, French and Saunders, Steve Coogan, Jonathan Miller, Alan Bennet, Mike Nicholls, Elaine May, Buck Henry, Chico Marx, Bilko, Dick van Dyke, Roger Hancock, Viv Stanshall, Neil Innes, Roger Ruskin Spear, Rodney Slater, (the incomparable Bonzos), Harry Neilson, Harry Worth, Alec Guinness, Denholm Elliott, TS Elliot, WH Auden, Stephen Spender, The Kinks, Robin Williams, Billy Crystal, Steve Martin, Stanley Matthews, Paul Simon, Wilfred Hyde White, Rex Harrison, Ralph Richardson, Timothy Leary, Earl Thompson, Pele, Keith Moon, Basil D’Oliveira, Kenneth Horne, Max Miller, Al Read, Billy Cotton, Gerard Hoffnung, Syd Owen, Stanley Baxter, Steven Fry and Hugh Laurie, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Buster Keaton, Freddie Starr, Gary Sobers, Everton Weekes, Worel, Walcott, Ramadhin and Valentine, Griffiths and Hall, Curtly Ambrose, Johnny Ray, Big Bird Joel Garner, Jimmy Cliff, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood, The Stones, Joni Mitchell, Woody Allen, Horace Walpole, Hazlitt, Jane Austen, Dave Brubeck, Jerry Mulligan, Johnny Hodges, Duke Ellington, Count Basie, John Coltrane, Charlie Parker, Tom Scott, Brian Moore, Julian Barnes, Salman Rushdie, Edward Lear, Gilbert Harding, George Melly, Spinal tap, Gazza, Cindi Crawford, Bill Oddie, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Humphrey Barclay, Father Guido Sarducci, Pamela Stephenson, Not the 9 oclock News, Frank Muir and Denis Nordern, Does the Team Think?, Ted Ray, Down Your Way, Willie Rushton, John Fortune, Eleanor Bron, Roy Kinnear, Anthony Newley in The Small World of Gurney Slade, Look Back in Anger, The Royal Court Theater, The Royal Variety Show, The old New Statesman, the old Spectator, Joan Armatrading, Bob Dylan, Garrison Keiller, Fyffe Robertson, Huw Weldon, Tom Stoppard, the singing Nun, the singing Postman, Ivor Biggun, Brian Johnstone, John Arlott, Derek Taylor, Dylan Thomas, Jack Benny, Syd Caesar, Charles Dickens, John Belushi, Danny Aykroyd, Gilda Radnor, Sunday Night at the London Palladium, Frank Loesser, Sydney Greenstreet, Carousel, Geoffrey Boycott, Harry Dean Stanton, Gene Hackman, Citroen cars, Anthony Buffery, Ivor Cutler, Stephen Jay Greenblatt, John Cleese, the late Graham Chapman, the middle period of Michael Palin, most of Terry Gilliam, nearly all of Terry Jones, all of Carol Cleveland, Jonathan Lynn, Alan Knott, Godfrey Evans, Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee, Lonnie Donnegan, Bill Haley and his Comets, John, Paul, George and Ringo.

If it be a curse to be smiled at by strangers may you all be blessed in such a fashion…