The Address to the Weetabix.
Candacraig – August 1999

Fair fa your honest crunchy face
Great chieftain o’ the breakfast place
Yon Weetabix wi’ prickly bricks
Wi’ milk poured ower
Tae mek a grizzly mix.

Yon hairy food for thee I do forsake
The coco-pop and lowly corn flake
Yea hairy food, rude and no disgrace
Like a beard on a Scotsman’s face
Yon mucky muesli is far too foreign
Give me the food that looks like a sporran

Though we acknowledge the fabled porridge
And raise a dram to cheery Spam
There’s nobbit pleases wee Billy and Pam
Than Weetabix served by the gram (with a dram)

Yea muesli now that’s foreign muck
That looks like straw and tastes like.. f… duck
And yoghurt yuck it’s vile and bitter
And has a use that’s far more fitter
Let me add one final bitching
What can one say about a breakfast food
That cures vaginal itching?

A poet might well become depressed
To find a food category Robin Williams
Hasn’t already addressed
So here’s my broken shredded wit
The Weetabix is aptly fit
To grace our table aye so sweet
God bless us all and shredded wheat.

Eric Idle

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